Hi.

I just want to talk... about a lot of things on my mind lately.



This past week has been emotional. I'm completely shattered over the recent events in New Zealand. I'm also completely baffled and hurt by all the hatred popping up in the news to not just Muslims but  other races, other religions, people with other beliefs. I cannot understand why people can't just coexist. It doesn't matter who or what you believe in or who you love. What matters is you're kind and respectful of others. Everyone's fighting their own battles. I mean... how true is that phrase? Every single one of us have battles of our own. Why would you want to add to anyone's misery? You're not perfect. You don't have a guaranteed ticket to heaven. Calm down.

I recently read an article and the writer being adopted describes her families as 'her family' and 'her real family'. I hear that a lot actually. People asking me about U's 'real' mom. I'm going to be honest here. I'm a bit triggered by the term 'real' mom. As innocent as it is, I mean I totally understand that people don't mean it that way... but what does that make me? A fake one? I am as real as it gets. I may be in tact (down there), and I don't have scars on my belly, but I try my best everyday to be the best mom I can be. I breastfed him, I did go through all the late nights, the tears, I did go through a period of feeling lost, I am constantly worrying about him, the late night visits to the outpatient clinic, we save for him monthly, we've registered him at a good school. The term 'real' mom really hurts but again I know people don't mean it that way. But maybe you could use the term 'mom' and 'birthmom'. That would be really nice and I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.

We also lost one of the kindest people over the weekend--Hazim's aunt who had been unwell for a few years already. She was sort of like the glue that kept everyone together. She was kind, and sweet and graceful. I'm so lucky to have had her in my life and to be able to call her Aunty. When she passed away, I read our text msgs and she never failed to greet me on my birthday with her long sweet doas. Someone also passed away yesterday (at the time of writing) was a relative of a colleague who apparently just collapsed. She was only a few years older than me. It's scary, isn't it? You never know when's your time to go. And you start thinking about the lack of good deeds you've done and all the times you chose dunya over the afterlife. I mean... that's gotta change.

Those are the main 'tabs' that have been active in my brain. It feels good to write it down every now and then. Anyway, hope my readers are doing well. Do I still have readers? Haha


Love,




A Wave of Thoughts

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Hi.

I just want to talk... about a lot of things on my mind lately.



This past week has been emotional. I'm completely shattered over the recent events in New Zealand. I'm also completely baffled and hurt by all the hatred popping up in the news to not just Muslims but  other races, other religions, people with other beliefs. I cannot understand why people can't just coexist. It doesn't matter who or what you believe in or who you love. What matters is you're kind and respectful of others. Everyone's fighting their own battles. I mean... how true is that phrase? Every single one of us have battles of our own. Why would you want to add to anyone's misery? You're not perfect. You don't have a guaranteed ticket to heaven. Calm down.

I recently read an article and the writer being adopted describes her families as 'her family' and 'her real family'. I hear that a lot actually. People asking me about U's 'real' mom. I'm going to be honest here. I'm a bit triggered by the term 'real' mom. As innocent as it is, I mean I totally understand that people don't mean it that way... but what does that make me? A fake one? I am as real as it gets. I may be in tact (down there), and I don't have scars on my belly, but I try my best everyday to be the best mom I can be. I breastfed him, I did go through all the late nights, the tears, I did go through a period of feeling lost, I am constantly worrying about him, the late night visits to the outpatient clinic, we save for him monthly, we've registered him at a good school. The term 'real' mom really hurts but again I know people don't mean it that way. But maybe you could use the term 'mom' and 'birthmom'. That would be really nice and I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.

We also lost one of the kindest people over the weekend--Hazim's aunt who had been unwell for a few years already. She was sort of like the glue that kept everyone together. She was kind, and sweet and graceful. I'm so lucky to have had her in my life and to be able to call her Aunty. When she passed away, I read our text msgs and she never failed to greet me on my birthday with her long sweet doas. Someone also passed away yesterday (at the time of writing) was a relative of a colleague who apparently just collapsed. She was only a few years older than me. It's scary, isn't it? You never know when's your time to go. And you start thinking about the lack of good deeds you've done and all the times you chose dunya over the afterlife. I mean... that's gotta change.

Those are the main 'tabs' that have been active in my brain. It feels good to write it down every now and then. Anyway, hope my readers are doing well. Do I still have readers? Haha


Love,




“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

― Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City

Before we had boyfriends or husbands, we had our gal pals. They stuck by us through all the storms that came our way, and we knew we would be okay because they were just a call away. I'm so lucky to have best friends like these. They finish off my sentences and they know what I'm thinking about by just giving them a look. When I need them, they show up with comfort food. When they need me, I drop everything to be there for them. Soulmates. I can't imagine living life without them.



8th March marks International Womens' Day and today I would like to not only celebrate our fight for gender equality... but I would like to celebrate these women in my life. They were there for me through love and heartbreaks, tears, babies, secrets, uncontrollable laughter, bad days, great days, highs and lows and internet trolls. They helped build me to be the person I am today. They made me stronger, wiser and more courageous than I could have ever been.



I wanted to share my favourite hilarious stories with my girlfriends with you but after thinking about all the things we've done (and we're ridiculous silly idiots btw), I don't think I could ever disclose them! I just spent the past two hours laughing at all these un-share-able stories that I have with them. OMG. WHAT IN THE WORLD? HAHAHA. Believe me when I say we had so much fun pre-wife days. After some filtering, these are the bearable ones (btw I've used their fake names to conceal their identities):

1. The One Where Lily Peed In The Kitchen 
Lily had been holding her pee while cooking/cleaning in the kitchen. Out of no where (that's how I remember it), her leg had pins and needles. One of us (we're pretty mean), started kicking her poor leg and soon after, we almost had a puddle in the kitchen. Love you, Lily. But we did not want to clean that mess up. HAHAHAHA.


2. The One Where We Followed Our Cute Landlord And He Made Us Walk Home
Our landlord arrived pretty early one day to sign some papers for the house. I don't know why we were in a rush or why we had to go to his office, but we left in our PJs and slippers, in our cute landlord's car. When we arrived at his house and signed off our agreements, he said bye and we were like um hello, how do we get home? It was a hilarious walk back. In our PJs. In our slippers. In the SNOW. On my birthday.... I swear when we got home, my feet were blue.

3. The One Where My Wedding Dress Ripped On Stage
During my sanding, as I was sitting down on my pelamin, my back zipper tore from the top to my bum. Thank god the top was secured with a hook because the front part of the dress was super heavy from all the beading. My girls rushed to the reception to get a sewing kit and before the night ended and I had to stand in front of cameras for photos, they've had resurrected my dress. (POORLY BTW BUT I LOVE THEM STILL.... HAHAHA I SAY POORLY BECAUSE THAT NIGHT IT TOOK US 2 HOURS TO GET ME OUT OF THAT THING! They stitched that thing back together permanently!)

4. The One Where We Were Third-Wheeling On Many Awkward Dates (I'm not going to give details but my besties know this)
a. The guy who wore a raincoat.
b. The guy who was either really nervous or really cold in the cinema that he was vibrating like a phone on his seat.
c. The guy who wore flip flops on the first date.
d. This list is endless.

5. The One Where Fiona Wore Heels To The Park And Fell On Her Knees. Twice.
She doesn't usually where heels but Kurt Geiger was on sale and we bought a million shoes. We decided to walk around in the park with our new shoes and as we were walking on the sidewalk, Fiona fell on her knees. It was so funny. It was like a cartoon moment. We all just stared at her until we broke into fits of laughter. She was literally praying (sujud) on the ground in front of cars. You had to be there. HAHA. Fiona broke up with those shoes that day.

Ahh. Where would I be without you girls?

Happy International Womens' Day, Queens. May we all lift each other and celebrate each others' successes, always. 

Love,

Gal Pals

Friday, 8 March 2019

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

― Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City

Before we had boyfriends or husbands, we had our gal pals. They stuck by us through all the storms that came our way, and we knew we would be okay because they were just a call away. I'm so lucky to have best friends like these. They finish off my sentences and they know what I'm thinking about by just giving them a look. When I need them, they show up with comfort food. When they need me, I drop everything to be there for them. Soulmates. I can't imagine living life without them.



8th March marks International Womens' Day and today I would like to not only celebrate our fight for gender equality... but I would like to celebrate these women in my life. They were there for me through love and heartbreaks, tears, babies, secrets, uncontrollable laughter, bad days, great days, highs and lows and internet trolls. They helped build me to be the person I am today. They made me stronger, wiser and more courageous than I could have ever been.



I wanted to share my favourite hilarious stories with my girlfriends with you but after thinking about all the things we've done (and we're ridiculous silly idiots btw), I don't think I could ever disclose them! I just spent the past two hours laughing at all these un-share-able stories that I have with them. OMG. WHAT IN THE WORLD? HAHAHA. Believe me when I say we had so much fun pre-wife days. After some filtering, these are the bearable ones (btw I've used their fake names to conceal their identities):

1. The One Where Lily Peed In The Kitchen 
Lily had been holding her pee while cooking/cleaning in the kitchen. Out of no where (that's how I remember it), her leg had pins and needles. One of us (we're pretty mean), started kicking her poor leg and soon after, we almost had a puddle in the kitchen. Love you, Lily. But we did not want to clean that mess up. HAHAHAHA.


2. The One Where We Followed Our Cute Landlord And He Made Us Walk Home
Our landlord arrived pretty early one day to sign some papers for the house. I don't know why we were in a rush or why we had to go to his office, but we left in our PJs and slippers, in our cute landlord's car. When we arrived at his house and signed off our agreements, he said bye and we were like um hello, how do we get home? It was a hilarious walk back. In our PJs. In our slippers. In the SNOW. On my birthday.... I swear when we got home, my feet were blue.

3. The One Where My Wedding Dress Ripped On Stage
During my sanding, as I was sitting down on my pelamin, my back zipper tore from the top to my bum. Thank god the top was secured with a hook because the front part of the dress was super heavy from all the beading. My girls rushed to the reception to get a sewing kit and before the night ended and I had to stand in front of cameras for photos, they've had resurrected my dress. (POORLY BTW BUT I LOVE THEM STILL.... HAHAHA I SAY POORLY BECAUSE THAT NIGHT IT TOOK US 2 HOURS TO GET ME OUT OF THAT THING! They stitched that thing back together permanently!)

4. The One Where We Were Third-Wheeling On Many Awkward Dates (I'm not going to give details but my besties know this)
a. The guy who wore a raincoat.
b. The guy who was either really nervous or really cold in the cinema that he was vibrating like a phone on his seat.
c. The guy who wore flip flops on the first date.
d. This list is endless.

5. The One Where Fiona Wore Heels To The Park And Fell On Her Knees. Twice.
She doesn't usually where heels but Kurt Geiger was on sale and we bought a million shoes. We decided to walk around in the park with our new shoes and as we were walking on the sidewalk, Fiona fell on her knees. It was so funny. It was like a cartoon moment. We all just stared at her until we broke into fits of laughter. She was literally praying (sujud) on the ground in front of cars. You had to be there. HAHA. Fiona broke up with those shoes that day.

Ahh. Where would I be without you girls?

Happy International Womens' Day, Queens. May we all lift each other and celebrate each others' successes, always. 

Love,


I always thought introversion was a disease until I stumbled upon a Ted Talk by Susan Cain about The Power of Introverts. That changed the way I saw myself and all the other introverts I’ve met and known. I’m currently reading her book called Quiet Power and it’s interesting how much it resonates with me. I’m an introvert despite what everyone thinks.



I know what you’re thinking. She’s a social media influencer (use word with caution) and of course she’s an extrovert. Wrong. Social Media is the platform where I am able to express myself through pictures. It’s where I am able to wander into the creative abyss and get inspired. I am able to express myself through the captions, through the garments… through comments and direct messages. I am able to be me… by hitting ‘post’.

I know you’re also thinking that I’m not so bad with communicating with people on a daily basis. I admit. I’m not awful at striking conversations and keeping the conversations going. But in that book, it talks about how while introverts can also have normal conversations, it drains them out faster than extroverts. Which basically means, after a lot of conversations, meeting new people, being in new environments and attending social events… I need to take a step back and be in my own world before I lose it. (Which is why I love being in my room in complete silence with my book or… just some alone time with Youtube and Netflix).

Some people don’t really understand this trait. They take it as being anti-social or sombong. But it really does wear me out sometimes. Don’t get me wrong… I do enjoy meeting new people and attending cool launches and fashion shows. I just need some quiet time after that to keep myself balanced.

I feel like introverts are especially misunderstood… at work… in school… basically anywhere you go they seem to only be rewarding the extroverts who are loud and brave and confident and outspoken. That leaves the introverts being scrutinized as being somewhat empty. People sometimes mistake quietness for having no ideas or questions or opinions. In fact… it’s the opposite. We have too many ideas, too many questions and too many opinions. We overthink everything. I don’t know about you, but I’m very calculative when it comes to formal discussions. I overthink every word that comes out of my mouth. Is my question stupid? Will my opinion offend others? Will my idea be good enough? Sometimes I admire the extroverts and how confident they can be. (Sometimes they can say the darnest things and still look smart).

I’m not against these extroverts. I often try to mingle with them just so I can learn how to be one. The book also mentions how when extroverts and introverts work together, magic can happen because they complement one another. Like Steve Jobs and Stephen Wozniak. Wozniak invented the first Apple computer and Steve Jobs’s charismatic behavior was able to drive it (yet when you think of Apple… you think of Jobs). My point exactly.

I get anxiety attacks every now and then. Not super hyperventilating attacks… but milder dull anxieties in the chest that just would not subside. Probably because I overthink some things but mainly because sometimes circumstances force you to be an extrovert. Like at work… my superior commented how I was being overshadowed by a colleague and I think as my performance bonus depends on it… the only way to stop that from happening is to be more visible. I am definitely up for the challenge… but again I don’t think people understand how much it exhausts me. My colleague is a natural when it comes to voicing out his opinions or being the first to talk. I have to have arguments with myself in my head first. But now I have to not be myself and flip a switch to be this other person. So to him, it would probably just require a glass of water to get his energy back. But to me… I kind of need breakfast, lunch and a nap.

Now you’re thinking, maybe I should just land a job where I’m in the backseat. You’re wrong again. Introverts don’t necessarily want to be at the back all the time. Some also dream of leading. But it’s okay fellow introverts, I got one tip for you. Push yourself to do that damn thing that's giving you anxiety. I sang in front of hundreds of people at the DST Carnival back in 2015 because of this reason. I thought I was going to collapse. Sometimes you have to push yourself to see what you’re capable of. Till this day, when I get the jitters, I tell myself… if I can sing in front of hundreds of people, I can definitely give one presentation in front of the Board. The more you push your boundaries, the more practice you get… and the anxiety will slowly lessen. That doesn't mean you should stop being you. Retreat whenever you need to. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.


Love,


I'm an introvert, believe me.

Saturday, 26 January 2019


I always thought introversion was a disease until I stumbled upon a Ted Talk by Susan Cain about The Power of Introverts. That changed the way I saw myself and all the other introverts I’ve met and known. I’m currently reading her book called Quiet Power and it’s interesting how much it resonates with me. I’m an introvert despite what everyone thinks.



I know what you’re thinking. She’s a social media influencer (use word with caution) and of course she’s an extrovert. Wrong. Social Media is the platform where I am able to express myself through pictures. It’s where I am able to wander into the creative abyss and get inspired. I am able to express myself through the captions, through the garments… through comments and direct messages. I am able to be me… by hitting ‘post’.

I know you’re also thinking that I’m not so bad with communicating with people on a daily basis. I admit. I’m not awful at striking conversations and keeping the conversations going. But in that book, it talks about how while introverts can also have normal conversations, it drains them out faster than extroverts. Which basically means, after a lot of conversations, meeting new people, being in new environments and attending social events… I need to take a step back and be in my own world before I lose it. (Which is why I love being in my room in complete silence with my book or… just some alone time with Youtube and Netflix).

Some people don’t really understand this trait. They take it as being anti-social or sombong. But it really does wear me out sometimes. Don’t get me wrong… I do enjoy meeting new people and attending cool launches and fashion shows. I just need some quiet time after that to keep myself balanced.

I feel like introverts are especially misunderstood… at work… in school… basically anywhere you go they seem to only be rewarding the extroverts who are loud and brave and confident and outspoken. That leaves the introverts being scrutinized as being somewhat empty. People sometimes mistake quietness for having no ideas or questions or opinions. In fact… it’s the opposite. We have too many ideas, too many questions and too many opinions. We overthink everything. I don’t know about you, but I’m very calculative when it comes to formal discussions. I overthink every word that comes out of my mouth. Is my question stupid? Will my opinion offend others? Will my idea be good enough? Sometimes I admire the extroverts and how confident they can be. (Sometimes they can say the darnest things and still look smart).

I’m not against these extroverts. I often try to mingle with them just so I can learn how to be one. The book also mentions how when extroverts and introverts work together, magic can happen because they complement one another. Like Steve Jobs and Stephen Wozniak. Wozniak invented the first Apple computer and Steve Jobs’s charismatic behavior was able to drive it (yet when you think of Apple… you think of Jobs). My point exactly.

I get anxiety attacks every now and then. Not super hyperventilating attacks… but milder dull anxieties in the chest that just would not subside. Probably because I overthink some things but mainly because sometimes circumstances force you to be an extrovert. Like at work… my superior commented how I was being overshadowed by a colleague and I think as my performance bonus depends on it… the only way to stop that from happening is to be more visible. I am definitely up for the challenge… but again I don’t think people understand how much it exhausts me. My colleague is a natural when it comes to voicing out his opinions or being the first to talk. I have to have arguments with myself in my head first. But now I have to not be myself and flip a switch to be this other person. So to him, it would probably just require a glass of water to get his energy back. But to me… I kind of need breakfast, lunch and a nap.

Now you’re thinking, maybe I should just land a job where I’m in the backseat. You’re wrong again. Introverts don’t necessarily want to be at the back all the time. Some also dream of leading. But it’s okay fellow introverts, I got one tip for you. Push yourself to do that damn thing that's giving you anxiety. I sang in front of hundreds of people at the DST Carnival back in 2015 because of this reason. I thought I was going to collapse. Sometimes you have to push yourself to see what you’re capable of. Till this day, when I get the jitters, I tell myself… if I can sing in front of hundreds of people, I can definitely give one presentation in front of the Board. The more you push your boundaries, the more practice you get… and the anxiety will slowly lessen. That doesn't mean you should stop being you. Retreat whenever you need to. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.


Love,


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