Maktub: It Is Written

Wednesday 10 May 2017

I'm actually struggling to construct sentences here. I type half-sentences and delete them, repeatedly. It's no surprise it took me a while to blog about it. I have been contemplating for a whole year whether or not I should even talk about it... or how even. But I've been seeing a lot of quotes on my feed lately about how what you see on social media is only half of a person's story... and it could not be more accurate. 

Last year was a wonderful year for LMN but behind the scenes, around June, we found out that it was not possible for us to have children. IVF was not even an option; adoption was the only way. We were trying straight after we got married (no rest for the wicked! haha!) but it was just not happening. We knew it in our hearts that something was wrong. It didn't help that every time I was ill or every time we met a relative, they would ask if I was pregnant already. I did not appreciate that at all. Stuff like this can be a sensitive subject to some people, and it was for me. Some people were getting pregnant like they were catching the damn flu, but it wasn't like that for us. We were devastated and heart-broken. So to those who think my uterus was your business, no thanks to you.

So yes, back to June 2016. When we found out, we were shattered. But after a while... I stopped feeling sad about it. I actually feel liberated. I mean, we both cried when the doctor shared the unfortunate news and the days after, but it was the closure I needed to set my soul free. Now I can move on, and focus on adopting. The amount of support from family and friends... was ridiculously remarkable. My grandmother was pretty cool about it. She was like "Oh, that's okay... we'll just adopt. It's fine..." and god do I love her for that because that's all I wanted to hear. It's so much better than "Don't give up. Don't believe in doctors". Like... can you just... shut up? I get furious when I hear people say that. "Naik Valak".  I don't know why. I know that anything can happen. Anything is possible. But I can't sit around and hope because it hurts.  And you know what? We're the ones who get hurt.

Anyway, as I was saying, life goes on. There's no lemon so sour that you can't make something resembling lemonade (a quote from This Is Us that resonates with me). You just have to believe that everything will be okay. And everything is exactly how it should be. It's all part of a grander plan and there is absolutely no point in fixating on this one small problem when you have so many other things to be grateful for. Somewhere out there, our child is being born/conceived. Mum and Dad are patiently waiting for you, baby. 

But in the mean time... Mum and Dad are gonna travel to faraway places and focus on realizing our dreams. I'm going to make Dad buy me all the expensive bags and shoes I need before he starts spending it all on you. We are going to be obnoxiously selfish until we're maxed out on selfishness before your arrival. 

I always thought timing was a b*tch. But it isn't. Timing is always right. And I know... right now... I am exactly where I need to be. I hope you know that too. 



  1. And that baby will be one lucky kid to have you two as parents ❤️️

  2. I think you are brave and strong woman. I admire how you've handled this. I pray that may Allah will ease your difficulty and trouble. May He grant you His blessings.

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