40 Days A Mom

Sunday 5 November 2017

Where do I even begin?

We were outside the labour room (im)patiently waiting to be called. Excited. Scared. Unprepared. Elated. Could this really be our time? We received the call on the way to work one Tuesday morning. Hazim and I looked at each other and we didn't have to say anything. He knew I was excited, the same way I knew he was. It was quite a bit of a wait... but around 3PM... I was called in. Our son was born and I was about to meet him. The walk was a blur but I remember trembling. I couldn't put on my shoe covers because my hands were shaking. I remember the receptionist acknowledging it with pitiful endearment. She was nice. 

I was getting closer and closer to the room. When the receptionist showed me in... I saw him. Red. Wrinkly. Wrapped up in a blue towel. Breathtakingly gorgeous. First thing I did was take his photo and send it to Hazim because I wanted to share that moment with him not a second later. He teared up outside and had to wait another hour to meet him. I stayed inside... staring into this beautiful angel that was sent to us in an unconventional way. I smiled. Because strangely... he looked so much like Hazim. How incredibly amazing was that? "Mommy's here now..." I said with tears in my eyes. The same moment birthmom started a conversation with me. So I quickly dried up my eyes and checked up on her. (She's a wonderful person... but I think that story is a conversation I need to have with Umair first so I won't be sharing it for the time being.) 

I don't think I've believed in the statement 'God has a reason for everything' as much as I do now. For all those times we were heartbroken--Umair was the answer to everything and he is definitely worth the wait. A lot of people have said that Umair was lucky to have us when the truth is... we are the lucky ones. God had gifted us our beautiful son and nothing... nothing can ever compare with this greatest blessing.

I stayed by Umair's side from Day 1. Two days sleeping on the couch at the hospital is something. Two days of not showering is another. I held him until my arm wanted to fall off but even then I didn't want to put him down. I was so in love. I am still in love and I cannot imagine a day where I won't be. Sometimes I just catch myself staring at him with tears in my eyes. He has brought us so much joy and happiness that nothing else in this world seems to matter. 

40 days later, he's now 5kgs and we have enjoyed every single second of parenthood. I've managed to lactate soon after he was born after being on pills three weeks before that. I've fed him three times with my own breastmilk already (I'm only able to pump 1-2 oz a day but I am still very grateful for it), Alhamdulillah, and I'm (calmingly) trying to get my supply up. Thank you to those who have shared tips and advice! He's peed and pooped many times on us. He makes the most adorable coo-ing sound when he loses a sneeze. He loves being held and gets hungry every 2 hours. His smile is the most beautiful thing we've ever seen. 

I used to think I wouldn't be a good mom. I was never a fan of children and I know that I can be very selfish. I loved my world--one where I only had to think about me. But 40 days of being a mom have taught me that... I absolutely love being one and it wouldn't be my world without Umair in it. It made me realise that I was able to put someone else's needs before mine. It made me realise that I was stronger than I thought I was... mentally and physically (my arms don't feel like falling off anymore). It made me realise the love I have around me. I never knew I could love anyone this much. I'm learning more about myself as I do about him and his daddy (Hazim is a wonderful dad and more) every day. It's been 40 days. We cannot wait for more. 



  1. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Fenugreek! Take it! Lots and lots! xxx

  2. I’m not crying (lie)........ BEAUTIFULLY DESCRIBED ��


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