A Wave of Thoughts

Tuesday 26 March 2019


I just want to talk... about a lot of things on my mind lately.

This past week has been emotional. I'm completely shattered over the recent events in New Zealand. I'm also completely baffled and hurt by all the hatred popping up in the news to not just Muslims but  other races, other religions, people with other beliefs. I cannot understand why people can't just coexist. It doesn't matter who or what you believe in or who you love. What matters is you're kind and respectful of others. Everyone's fighting their own battles. I mean... how true is that phrase? Every single one of us have battles of our own. Why would you want to add to anyone's misery? You're not perfect. You don't have a guaranteed ticket to heaven. Calm down.

I recently read an article and the writer being adopted describes her families as 'her family' and 'her real family'. I hear that a lot actually. People asking me about U's 'real' mom. I'm going to be honest here. I'm a bit triggered by the term 'real' mom. As innocent as it is, I mean I totally understand that people don't mean it that way... but what does that make me? A fake one? I am as real as it gets. I may be in tact (down there), and I don't have scars on my belly, but I try my best everyday to be the best mom I can be. I breastfed him, I did go through all the late nights, the tears, I did go through a period of feeling lost, I am constantly worrying about him, the late night visits to the outpatient clinic, we save for him monthly, we've registered him at a good school. The term 'real' mom really hurts but again I know people don't mean it that way. But maybe you could use the term 'mom' and 'birthmom'. That would be really nice and I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.

We also lost one of the kindest people over the weekend--Hazim's aunt who had been unwell for a few years already. She was sort of like the glue that kept everyone together. She was kind, and sweet and graceful. I'm so lucky to have had her in my life and to be able to call her Aunty. When she passed away, I read our text msgs and she never failed to greet me on my birthday with her long sweet doas. Someone also passed away yesterday (at the time of writing) was a relative of a colleague who apparently just collapsed. She was only a few years older than me. It's scary, isn't it? You never know when's your time to go. And you start thinking about the lack of good deeds you've done and all the times you chose dunya over the afterlife. I mean... that's gotta change.

Those are the main 'tabs' that have been active in my brain. It feels good to write it down every now and then. Anyway, hope my readers are doing well. Do I still have readers? Haha


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